Chapter 1 - Graduation

I'll remember this when I'm gone, he promised himself with a smile. But I'm not going to get stuck here as just another guard on the city walls.

His jaw set with determination as his gaze passed over the Tibrum Estate, where he knew that his mother was busy fussing over the last details of Matner's graduation party. His father, on the other hand, was probably already discussing Matner's future with his colleagues, trying to secure Matner a position in the King's Royal Guard, or some other seat of prestige. Something to keep Matner from ever leaving the area in and around Calster.

"Mat! It's time for the rehearsal! C'mon!"

The voice of Matner's friend, Rafer, broke him from his thoughts. Matner turned, his sword hilt banging lightly against the stone with a clatter. He frowned as he checked it for scratches, knowing that the inspection he was about to go through would be tedious.

"Hurry up, mate!" Another friend, Leyeb, added his voice to Rafer's. "This is not the day to upset Master Pru."

"I'm coming," Matner called out as he hurried to meet them at the stairs.

As usual, he found himself taking the lead, with the two friends falling in behind him. They were in one of the mostly unused towers in the castle, so he was careful not to bump any of the walls. The plaster here was not kept up as well, and might rub off. It would be very showing on the black leather parts of his armor. As it was he would have to wipe off his boots to make them properly black again before the inspection.

"I'm pretty sure I'm getting the open slot in the Royal Guard," Rafer declared.

"I doubt it, mate," Leyeb replied, teasing again. "For one, you're not technically tall enough. For another, Mat's pa has better standing. If anyone gets it, it's him. There's always caravans for the likes of you. They're always looking to hire common guards."

They passed through an arched doorway that led to the more populated parts of the castle. Most of the castle was a maze of large, connected halls. Each hall could be used as whatever kind of room was needed at the time. Conversation ended as they passed through the busy heart of the castle on the way to the practice grounds.

Porters ran about carrying things. Cleaners found things to tidy or wipe or sweep. An elven slave glided past with a bottle of wine. He looked to be headed towards the kitchens. Plasterers worked constantly at maintaining the white facade over the cold stone of the castle.

He saw two children with sticks pretending at swords. He smiled, knowing he had been just like them once--when he had slipped away from his parents' protective watch.

Matner moved on, passing through the long hallway that led to the practice grounds. Here there was no plaster, just the cold gray of the stone walls and floor around them. The hallway itself was fairly wide, yet dodged servants and slaves alike as they hurried by. He noted to himself that he was no less intent on his destination than they were at the moment, while he was still a student.

That will all be different a few hours from now, he realized as he went through the large doorway and stepped out into the courtyard. Even Father will have to accept me as a man now.

Not for the first time, he envied his friend Leyeb. While Leyeb's family was only barely wealthy enough to attend the same parties as Matner's did, their backgrounds were entirely different. Leyeb's father had originally been a seaman, and had seen far away places that Matner had only read about. When he had married Leyeb's mother, he had moved inland to have a family, and now owned a small fleet of ships that handled a large percentage of the major shipping along the river that ran through the center of Calster. Matner, on the other hand, came from money earned by his grandfather, who'd been knighted and granted lands long ago. His father had bought a variety of businesses and land over the years, increasing the family's wealth and status. Matner's father rarely had time for his children, and it seemed that he always disapproved of Matner's choices when he did pay attention. Matner had not been given an option to train at the castle - it was expected of him. Leyeb's father, on the other hand, had practically bribed and begged to give Leyeb the chance here. Over the years, Matner had become closer to his friend's father than he was his own. Leyeb planned to try work his way up in the Royal Navy after graduation, and Matner didn't doubt he'd do very well.

Rafer's parents, on the other hand, owned an inn. It was a small one by the docks; it was really more a sailors' tavern with some rooms available than a proper inn. There were a handful of employees plus Rafer's five brothers and sisters helping out. His parents had scrimped and saved to buy his sponsorship to Master Pru's tutelage.

Rafer had always optimistically had big plans of rank and status. By what seemed an unspoken agreement, neither Matner nor Leyeb had ever discouraged him with the reality that other parents would buy those opportunities for their own children. But Rafer clung to a belief that he could work hard and earn what his parents could not afford. Matner found the optimism refreshing.

They made their way to the practice grounds where the rehearsal was about to be held. They had a few minutes to spare, and other students were still arriving--some a little out of breath. A couple of dogs lazed in the afternoon sun.

The main gate to the grounds was closed and guarded. The public was not supposed to see the rehearsal. In a couple of hours they'd be let in to watch. Partly it would be parents of students, but it would also be potential employers looking for people with promise.

Only twenty boys every year graduated this particular training. After today, they would be qualified to be soldiers on track to be officers, or squires becoming full knights one day. They were schooled boys ready to be men in the eyes of the world, and the kingdom knew that Master Pru's academy turned out men of valor and leadership.

Within days each of them would be hired for more prestigious positions than most boys in the city could reasonably expect. Yet to Matner it held no excitement. His parents would make certain that he was hired for something local, that he would never leave the city, that he would end up the kind of knight that lived a lazy life in a castle and never actually did anything. No, Matner knew he needed a different plan. He just wished he had one.

"Line up!" Master Drake called out.

Master Drake was one of the teachers under Master Pru, each having a specialization. Master Pru seemed to be an expert in every form of fighting and schooling that was taught, but each of the other teachers had a couple of specific areas of expertise that they taught to the students. Master Drake taught single-handed sword techniques, and also battle tactics and strategies. Matner had received schooling in a variety of weapons, from a basic club all the way up to large seige weapons, as well as lessons in history, ettiquette, and the variety of peoples, beasts and monsters that could be found in some of the less civilized parts of the world. Matner had loved pouring over the maps of the different places, trying to imagine what they must be like.

He quickly pulled out a handkerchief and spat on it, rubbing the dust off his boots as the other young men took their places in line around him. He was not the only one to do so, either. Many of the other students were tightening armor buckles or straightening sword belts nervously before standing at attention. Matner stuffed the handkerchief back in his pocket before setting his feet in the proper configuration and straightening his back and shoulders. He held his chin high and looked straight ahead, hoping he would pass this final class inspection. From the corner of his vision, he could see Master Pru heading down the wooden stairs at one side of the practice yard. The Master looked deceptively old, but every student in the line knew that he could beat them with nearly any weapon of choosing.

The Master proceeded slowly down the line, inspecting each boy in exacting detail. Matner held still solemnly when it was his turn, and Master Pru continued on. At the end of the line he had found nothing to comment on.

"I believe it has been impressed upon you how important today is," Master Pru said. "Today you are the best men this city has to offer. You are the future of New Callest. You all have a destiny to fulfill. You will be leaders, or merchants, or military officers--so many paths are available to you. Each year the castle graduates the twenty most promising boys of that year. You have the backing of a kingdom behind you. We expect you to make the most of that, and to contribute through your deeds and actions in return."

Master Pru moved off to the side, and Master Drake led them through the rehearsal. Matner followed along with half of his attention. Intellectually he understood the importance today was supposed to have, but he did not feel it. It just felt like another day. The inspection was routine. The rehearsal just another drill. Was his future really going to be decided for him today?

The rehearsal ended and they were led to a dining hall to sit and wait. There was about an hour before the ceremony. Master Drake commented that the last thing he needed was one of them wandering off and getting lost on him.

"Given what today is, do you think that's really likely?" Rafer asked quietly after Master Drake had left.

"Given that he locked us in, I'd say it's happened before, mate," Leyeb commented wryly.

"I hadn't noticed," Matner said, gazing around the room.

He realized he'd been seeing changes in the students over the course of the past week, from what he'd grown accustomed to. He knew all of them by name and had studied alongside them for the past seven years. Yet now, he noticed, they were divided into smaller groups, talking quietly and glancing around conspiratorially. Rafer wasn't the only one hoping to get the open position with the Royal Guard, and the room had a tension to it that only friends pitted against one another could bring. He saw Rafer and Leyeb looking around the room as well, scoping out the competition. The two of them were quietly comparing notes on who else might have a chance at the Royal Guard, and other possible positions they felt worth pursuing.

I guess it really is changing us, he thought to himself, listening to his friends. It reminds me of how Father talks.

He spent the better part of the hour wait thinking on that. He knew he wanted to go somewhere, away from the city. He knew he didn't want to end up like his father, manipulating people to increase his family's wealth and stature. He wanted to fight for a cause. But he didn't know what that cause might be, or where to find it.

"Well, if all else fails, my Pa knows this caravan owner in town who's looking for help," he heard Leyeb tell Rafer. "I'm sure he could give you a kind word to get work there."

"Thanks, but I don't want to leave the city," Rafer shook his head. "If I'm going to make it, it's going to be right here. I owe my folks that much, at least."

"What about you?" Leyeb asked, turning his gaze to Matner. "Have you made up your mind what to do yet?"

"More likely ask my father," he said and sighed a groaning sigh. "He's probably bought me the Royal Guard job already."

"Don't complain," Leyeb advised. "Take advantage of it. The Royal Guard can either be a cushy job here, or can lead to being a captain or general later on. That's a good path to walk."

"Knowing my father, it'll just be the cushy, but boring job here. I want to travel, Ley, you know that."

"Just run off and join the circus," Rafer joked. "Yer Pa'll love that!"

"No," Matner insisted with a laugh. "No, I think Master Pru would just about find that an insult to his teaching. No, I won't do that."

"But it would take you out of the running for my Royal Guard job, and then we won't have to be upset about competing for it."

"You know, Mat," Leyeb interrupted, "you could talk to my Pa. I bet he could arrange a second job in his fleet. I bet you'd make a great boat captain, and that would at least let you travel the rivers."

"I will talk to him, Ley--Light, he's more a father to me than my own. But I don't really think the sailor's life is the one for me. I want to be the knight the bards sing about. I want the horse and gleaming armor, going from inn to inn, stopping at little country hamlets and saving them from whatever little local trouble they've got."

"You dream like a girl sometimes," Rafer teased. "But tell ya what, I'll take the Guard job so you won't have to. You know I'm always there for you my friend," he added, patting Matner's arm.

"Thanks," Matner laughed, giving Rafer a friendly shove.

"It is time," Master Pru's voice boomed throughout the room, bringing the students to a sudden silence.

Somberly, the boys all stood and lined up in the order they were supposed to leave the room. There were small metallic noises as they straightened swordbelts and made last-minute adjustments to pieces of armor. Matner could hear a murmur of voices beyond the door as Master Pru left again. He didn't understand why, but his heart jumped a little at the sound. He realized, suddenly, that he and the others were going to be standing at attention before a group of people - something he was unaccustomed to.

They made their way at a measured, military pace, out to the practice yard. In the time they had been waiting, a small stage and podium had been erected, with plush red velvet draped along the edges. Benches had been brought out, for the guests, and were also covered over with a cream-colored fabric. Off to one side, tables were set up and servants and slaves ran back and forth from the kitchens, lining the tables with food and drink for after the ceremony.

The benches were filled with people, and Matner saw his own family sitting in the front row. His father sat at the center aisle seat, with his mother next to him, followed by Matner's two brothers and sister. His mother smiled when she saw him, and his smallest sister, Isavelle, began to wave until a stern look from their father stopped her. Matner was supposed to keep his face straight and unphased for this, but he gave Isavelle a quick wink anyway, and her smile returned. She'd not been the only one to see it, however, as his father's frown only deepened. Matner sighed inwardly as he stepped up onto the stage and took his place in line with the other students, behind Master Drake at the podium.

Matner found the ceremony itself boring. They stood like statues on display while Master Pru told the audience how they had come as boys with promise and had become the shining examples that would lead the city, and therefore the kingdom, to its ultimate destiny.

The king, of course, never showed up to a ceremony like this. There were stories that he once came disguised, and sat in the audience to observe. Master Pru mentioned that when the school had held its first graduation, the king at the time had come to officiate some little part of the ceremony. But there were several differences between that king and this one.

They did eventually kneel and vow to serve the king and kingdom, to lead in all actions by shining example, and to always strive to advance themselves and those around them. They saluted when commanded.

He knew he was supposed to feel proud, but he did not. He was supposed to feel excited, but all he felt was a sort of vague uncertainty bordering on mild dread. He could feel the excitement in the rest of the class. They all felt that they were about to earn their place in the world, and were anxious to find out what that would be. He felt certain his place had already been earned for him, and he wanted as little to do with it as possible.

The final part of the ceremony was the annointment by one of the church leaders in attendance. The Priest of Saith came to the stage first, and those of the students who had chosen his path stepped forward and knelt before him in turn. Each cut their finger and placed it in the center of the patch of black fabric that was given to them, with a silvery star embroidered on it. Once they had taken the fabric, they formed a line and recited the words that had been taught to them:

"I pledge to uphold the word of Saith, God and Guardian of the night sky. I will do my utmost to follow His decree, and go forth, honorably, into battle. It is my hope that my sevice will allow me a place of honor, with him, in the afterlife."

Matner noticed that most of the students had stepped forward for this oath, including his two best friends. Rafer had seemed a little suprised not to see Matner join the line, but Leyeb just nodded and smiled before taking his place.

Matner, along with another two of the students, waited for the Priestess of Salith to come to the stage instead. Instead of blood, Matner had to dip his finger into a vial of bluish liquid and then place it in the center of a golden embroidered star on a piece of soft, green fabric. The Priestess also took some of the liquid and traced a star on the center of each student's forehead. Then they also stood together and recited an oath:

"I pledge to uphold the word of Salith, Goddess and Guardian of the day sky. I will do my utmost to follow Her decree, and protect all life as I find it. I shall strive to bring peace to all that I meet, and shall know that she watches over me whenever I feel the warmth of her sun."

Matner noticed his father's scowl as he took the oath to Salith, but didn't regret his choice. He'd spent a long time discussing it with Master Gaern, who taught the class on religion, as well as the class on wounds and bindings. In the end, they had agreed that Salith was right for Matner, instead of Saith, despite the fact that most warriors tended to favor the Night God. There had been some ceremonies in the past where there had been no need for a Priestess of Salith to attend.

Once Matner and the others were back in formation with the other students, Master Pru took the stage again, to close the ceremony. It was mostly more speech about how promising the students' futures were now, and thanking the guests and others for attendence. There was some prompted applause for the teachers as well, who sat in rows on either side of the stage, facing the audience at an angle. There was a final salute by the students, and then Matner followed in line as they marched off the stage, each being presented with a folded sash by Master Pru himself. It could be worn around the waist as a symbol of his schooling. Then the ceremony was over and Matner found himself standing there, staring at the sash in his hand, and wondering what happened next. Around him, he heard the family members of the other students moving to congratulate them.

"You chose Salith, I see."

The rock in his stomach seemed to grow heavier at the sound of the disapproval in his father's voice.

"We can discuss it another time, dear," Matner's mother's voice was soft and soothing. "It's an important day for young Matner." She gave him a warm smile before hugging him. "I'm so proud of you, son."

"Regardless," his father said, "I've already spoken with the captain of the Royal Guard for you. You are the best in your class. At the party tonight we will announce you have accepted the position. Now come, I have had Raelwyn take extra care readying your suit. There is still preparation to finish."

With that his father turned and walked away. Matner's heart grew no less heavy with the further realization that nothing he did would ever win his father's true approval. His mother and his sister both gave him congratulation hugs. His mother's perfume was a little too heavy, as was usually the case.

"So you're big now, huh?" his littlest brother asked.

"Don't worry, Endrew, you will be too one day," he said, ruffling his brother's hair.

"Don't anger Father," Velander, the bigger of the two brothers, warned. Matner and Velander had never been as close as he had been with the others. "You should have chosen Saith. You know that's what he wanted."

"I know, but it wasn't the right choice for me."

"Matner, boys, come along," his mother said, already leading Isavelle off. Matner sighed and followed, not looking forward to tonight's party more than he usually did not look forward to parties.

He found himself looking longingly back at the refreshment tables and the families that were laughing and talking there already, wishing that his family was one of those. Instead, however, he trailed along behind his siblings. His only consolation was that he knew most of the people that he was leaving behind him were going to attend his father's party later that evening. From all that he understood, Father had invited all the students, their families, all the teachers, and every prominent figure in the city that he could find. While it wasn't important enough to muster an attendance by the King himself, the invitation had been extended.

Outside the castle, Horus waited at the seat of the carriage, while Dynedren stood ready to assist everyone inside. Matner waved his hand, as he always did, not needing the slave's assistance. Once everyone was inside, Dynedren hopped onto the back ledge, outside the carriage, and Horus urged the horses into a fast trot back to the estate. Matner's father was not in the carriage with them, and Matner suspected he had brought his own horse and was well on his way home already.

"Can we play now?" Isavelle asked, bouncing up and down on the carriage seat.

"Sit still, Isa," his mother said sternly. "We need to get home and change clothes for your brother's party."

Isavelle rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically, causing Matner to have to hold back a chuckle.

"I don't wanna! I want to play," she insisted.

"Isavelle, don't be such a child," Velander said, frowning like father so often did.

"She is a child, Vel. Let her be," Matner warned his brother.

"Yeah, Vel," Endrew piped in, "let her be." Endrew grinned over at Matner, only causing Velander to scowl and shake his head in disgust.

"Boys!" Mother's stern voice quieted them all, and Matner found himself staring out the window of the carriage for the remainder of the trip home.

The house did not feel welcoming to him just then. They passed through the iron gate in the brick privacy wall around the estate. The manicured grounds were home to a host of staff people hustling about with last minute preparations.

Extra help had been hired for the occasion, as it was more than the day-to-day staff could be expected to take care of. A huge tent was being set up in the back as well. It was going to be a warm evening, and a large crowd of people would only make the house stuffy. The party would be in both places.

His armor jingled and his sword scabbard rattled as he hopped out of the carriage to head towards the house. At this point he just wanted to get it over with. The breeze had a nice earthy smell to it. Suddenly he had the powerful urge to just sit down in a forest somewhere and feel cool, wet dirt under him. He had to get out of Calster.

He heard his mother send his brothers inside to find Father for their instructions. She and Isavelle followed his inside while the boys raced ahead. Isavelle and Mother were already quietly arguing about details of hair and dress. He quickened his pace a little, not wanting her to start making further suggestions about accessories for his suit or something. He loved her, but wished that sometimes she would leave things alone.

He made his way up the stairs and down the hallway that led to the wing of the house that most of the family bedrooms were in, with staff quarters beneath. Another short hallway led to the large sitting room that he and his brothers shared, with a doorway leading to each of their rooms and a small doorway to one side that led to the servant stairs. He crossed the room quickly and went into his own room, closing the door behind him with a sigh of relief.

He unhooked the sword and scabbard from his belt as he walked over to one of the chairs by the window. He set them onto the table between them with a clatter as he sank down into the chair and looked out the open window. Up here, a light breeze came through the window, and the sound of musicians tuning up their instruments and practicing bits and pieces of music came drifting in along it. He closed his eyes for a moment and listened, hearing the clatter and shuffling of platters, chairs, and other items being set up below. Voices called out commands now and again, usually from the senior staff members or people who'd been hired to handle certain aspects of the party.

He looked down at the tent, knowing that somewhere under there was a stage where he'd be required to stand and address the guests at some point in the evening. He'd thank them all for coming and have to say how proud he was of his new place in society. Or something. He hadn't really figured out what to say yet, but then he knew he probably wouldn't have to. Father would tell him what to say, as Father always did. Matner glanced over at his bed, where the suit was laid out, neatly pressed and ready for him to wear. The sight of it made him drop his head to his hands.

A knock at his door startled him to his feet, and it was a moment before he responded to it.

"Yes?" he said, hesitantly, hoping it wouldn't be his Father or one of the servants with instructions from Father.

"Matner? May I come in?" The sound of Leyeb's father made Matner grin with relief. He rushed over and pulled the door open.

"Of course you can, sir!"

"Matner," Joneph Arzell grinned back at him, his face lopsided from the large scar that ran across it. He'd once told Matner the story of how his ship had been attacked by pirates on the sea and he'd survived within an inch of his life. Joneph was full of wonderous stories of adventure.

"Your folks must be so proud of ye, lad," he said, giving Matner a short back-thumping hug. "Yer all grown inta a man now."

"I guess," Matner replied, shrugging as he closed the door and gestured to the seats by the window.

"Ye don't seem as happy as ye ought," Joneph squinted at him as he sat down opposite Matner. "What's going through that mind o' yers?"

"I don't want this, Joneph," he said, gesturing towards the yard and tent outside. "None of it. It's all been decided for me."

"Are ye a man now, or not?"

"What?" Matner looked at Joneph in surprise. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Seems ta me that ye just graduated, top o' yer class, from one o' the most prestigious academies in New Callest. Yer of age now, lad. Yer too old ta be swabbin' decks anymore. So don't let 'em hand ye the mop. I ain't tellin' Leyeb what to do no more, Matner. He's earned the right ta make up his own mind. Light, I expect him to."

"I think my own father expects differently," Matner said, looking down.

"Look at me, lad," Joneph commanded. "Don't be droppin' yer eyes like that. Ye be a man now, and a fine one at that. Top of yer class, bright future. But it's gotta be yer future, not yer Pa's. Ye be lucky to have this house an' raisin' to get ye started. I started with naught, but I set me own course, an' I think I've done alright. Trust me, lad, yer Pa wants ye to have better'n he got, not exactly the same as he."

"Now ye just think on all that, lad. Fer me, I have to go. I'll stop in fer a bit at yer party later on, but I've got ships gotta leave in the 'morrow. Gotta run to market and make a couple last minute deals with some caravans. They're mostly leavin' earlier than I in the mornin'."

Without another word he turned and left. The door thumped closed with a final sound behind him. Matner moved to the window and looked down at the activity outside. He looked beyond their little privacy wall, seeing some of the other estates nearby.

He could not quite see to the river, but he could picture in his mind the long line of docks and piers, with boats tied up waiting like horses in their stables. Just beyond that would lie the East Market, a huge grid of streets lined with shops and temporary stalls along with tents and wagons. There was one main market on each side of the river.

A bell chimed. It was a signal to the servants. He turned away from the city view and looked at the suit waiting on his bed. It was time to get dressed, he resigned himself with a sigh.

As he always did, he seemed to feel a little lighter when he took the armor off. But it was a physical lightness, not an emotional one, and it seemed as if his mood only grew darker to match the suit he replaced it with. The soft white of the shirt was quickly hidden away under the black and green vest, and the black jacket and pants. He gave the boots a longing look as he tugged on the uncomfortable, perfectly-shined shoes. He buttoned the jacket as he moved across the room to examine himself in the full-lengthed mirror.

He straightened the coat and collar, and combed out his short, brownish-blonde hair. After he brushed the loose strands of hair off the jacket, he nodded at his reflection grimly, deciding he looked tidy enough for even his father. In the summer heat, however, the suit felt warmer than his armor had, the layers of fabric preventing any of the breeze to reach his skin. He suspected there would be at least a couple of women fainting at the party tonight, simply because of the heat and the amount of layers that made up their dresses. He imagined that the tightness with which they tied their low-cut bodices couldn't help matters either, but he'd yet to hear a woman admit to it.

The one thing remaining was to add the new sash - the symbol of his graduation. He struggled to get the knotting right and the fabric laid straight around his waist. Once he was satisfied, he spent a few minutes hanging up his armor and sword in the bureau, and tucking his boots inside. His eyes briefly estimated how little clothing he had that would be suitable for travel.

Not much to pack then, his mind said, wandering briefly. He shook his head, clearing that thought away before closing the bureau and leaving the room, heading downstairs to find his mother.

He passed through high-ceilinged room after high-ceilinged room. Hired help bustled about with last minute details. Voices yelling instructions carried through the house. All the voices seemed filled with worry and anxiety, none of them sounding excited. That at least I can relate to, he thought.

Two men came through with a huge framed portrait of his grandfather. It was being moved to a more prominent room. He had been told countless times the name of the artist commissioned to do it decades past, when Grandfather was still relatively young. Despite Mother always insisting he was famous, the artist was no one he had heard of otherwise, so he could never remember the man's name.

Pretentious, he realized, that's how all this feels. He wondered how much a party like this was going to cost, and if was really warranted. But deep down he knew that his parents were using his graduation as an excuse to throw a party for themselves, and their own benefit, not his. He tried not to resent it, but part of him was genuinely starting to.

"There you are," Mother said when he found her supervising the caterers. "Took you long enough, but my, you are becoming a handsome man, aren't you."

"If you say so, Mother, thank you," he said with practiced humility.

"I'm sure you've hired the best professionals," he tried, hoping to distract her. "Why don't we go outside and let them do what you've hired them to do. You should be relaxing and enjoying today, not fretting over it."

"Everything must be perfect for you, Mat, you know that. Now, some of the early guests will be arriving soon. Go make sure your brothers are ready, I haven't seen them, and I have to go check on your sister."

Without another word, she hurried off in a flurry of skirts, mumbling a list of things she still needed to check on. Matner heard a sigh of relief come from one of the caterers, but when he glanced over he couldn't tell which one it had been. He stifled his own sigh, though not one of relief, as he made his way back the way he had just come.

The sound of his brothers' voices came to him once he reached the sitting room, and he headed directly for his younger brother's room first. The door was slightly ajar, and he heard Endrew's voice stubbornly arguing.

"It's too hot to wear this jacket! Why do I even have to go? I thought this was supposed to be Matner's party? Matner would never make me wear this jacket when it's so hot!"

"Don't be ridiculous Drew," Velander scolded. "Matner's a man now, not a boy like you. This party is important for him, so he can plan for his career. You want Matner to be successful, don't you?"

"Well... yes," Endrew sounded uncertain, as if he knew Velander was setting a trap for him.

"Then we have to look our best," Velander made it sound as if he thought that answered everything.

"Are you a man yet, Velander?" Endrew asked, making Matner pause as he was about to knock on the door. There was a long silence before Velander answered.

"Very nearly. It won't be long before you're attending my graduation party."

"But why do you get a party? You're not going to be in the Royal Guard." He heard his young brother making noises that told him the boy was mock fencing around the room as he spoke.

"No, Drew," Velander said, with a sigh, "I'm learning about business so I can be in charge of the family estate one day. When I graduate, I'll work alongside Father instead of playing soldier like Mat."

"I don't want you in charge!" Endrew whined. "You're mean! Like making me wear this jacket!"

Matner heard the sound of something soft hitting the wooden floor, prompting him to knock.

"Yes?" Velander said with clear frustration in his voice.

"It's me," Matner said as he opened the door and walked in.

Endrew was mostly ready except for the jacket. Velander was completely ready, and between the hot jacket he was wearing and his frustration, was begining to look a little flush.

"It's too hot to wear a jacket, Mat!" Endrew insisted.

"It is a hot day, Drew," Matner agreed, "but that's not stopping anyone else. It's a fancy party. Dressing up is what you do at fancy parties. Eventually you'll have your own, and you'll dress up for that one, too. Besides, it'll cool off later on."

Velander looked a little relieved that Matner had taken his side and not contradicted him, but still looked irritated in general. "If it makes you feel any better," he added, "the girls are hotter in their dresses than you'll be."

"But they could have bare legs under all those skirts and no one would know," Endrew said. "That would be cooler for them."

"Trust me, Drew, none of the ladies coming tonight are at all likely to take that risk. Now, what do you say we get that jacket on you so we can head downstairs and get this over with?"

"Fine," Endrew replied, stomping over and grabbing up the jacket.

Matner tried not to chuckle at him as he took the jacket and helped his brother into it, brushing away the lint and wrinkles with his hands as best he could.

"Finally, Velander sighed, rolling his eyes. "Now let us find Father before he becomes upset by our absence." He did not wait for a response, but turned on his heel and left the room, leaving Matner and Endrew to follow. Matner's long legs had no trouble, but Endrew had to run to catch up. The three of them made their way back downstairs with Velander in the lead.

They eventually found their Father in the gardens, speaking earnestly to the butler. Matner and his brothers waited a respectable distance away, until Father was done, before approaching. He found himself realizing that they stood at attention before him, awaiting his approval, not unlike he had done before Master Pru so many hours before. Unlike the previous inspection, however, Matner realized that it was rare for everyone to pass Father's scrutiny. Today, it was Endrew who fell short of the mark.

"Endrew!" Father's sharp voice made Endrew jump, his eyes wide. "What have you been rolling in boy?"

Father knelt down before Endrew and tugged at his jacket, brushing it off here and there while making disapproving noises.

"I...I'm sorry, Father," was all Endrew could manage.

"You should be," Father finally said, standing up. "Tonight is a night to make the family proud, to show that we are better that a bunch of brigands, rolling about in the dirt. We must be at our best and remind our guests that the Tibrum family are educated and respectable."

"Yes, Father," Matner and his brothers chorused on cue.

"Now take your places," Father commanded. "The first guests will be arriving any minute."

His brothers rushed off, each having a role they were supposed to play in greeting guests, all to the effect of making the family seem more hospitable and therefore respectable.

"As for you," Father added to him once the boys had left, "I think you know all well what's expected of you." Matner was not sure how much of the emphasis on expected he had heard himself and how much of it his father had actually spoken.

"Yes, Father, completely."

A double line of paper bags with candles in them created a walkway from the estate entrance to the first of the tents. The candles were being lit now, even though it was not quite dark yet. The effect would be prettier once it got darker, but it would not do to have guests see them being lit. Guests would arrive, follow the walkway to the tent, where he and Father would greet them.

For at least an hour, or until the arrivals slowed to a certain point, he would greet everyone pleasantly. It gave them all a chance to congratulate him in person, and for him to make a show of being grateful for it. It all felt forced and put-on to him. But what choice do I have? he asked himself.

Most of the people he shook hands with were people he'd seen before but hardly knew anything about. They were friends and associates of his parents, or people his Father had decided were important to impress. Most of the ones he didn't recognize seemed to feel right at home there, and they wouldn't have made it though the door, their names being called out by the butler as they did, if they hadn't been on the list.

Matner's attention was caught, however, by a man who sauntered in on the arm of the wealthy young widow, Lady Mina Serentine. Every single man in town had been talking of courting the beautiful woman now that the respectable time of mourning had passed since her husband had died in a hunting accident. Father had even hinted a suggestions that Matner court the woman himself, but had dropped the issue recently. The man with her seemed confident, almost to the point of arrogance, as he strode in. The butler announced him as Sir Trey Pallen.

This man is obviously a warrior, Matner thought, as he shook the knight's hand. He had a bulky, muscular frame, and the suit he wore looked out of place on him. He had a firm grip and grinned as Matner greeted him.

"Top of your class, eh?" the man asked, seeming genuinely interested. Lady Serentine, on the other hand smiled with the polite expression that suggested she was already bored. Her slender figure seemed tiny in comparison to Pallen's.

"Yes, sir," he replied, nodding. "Thank you both for joining us. I am honored that you could attend, Lady Serentine."

"So kind of your family to invite us, Matner," Mina replied, looking around the room as she spoke. "Quite a turnout I see."

"We are blessed that my father's many friends and associates could join us tonight," he said, all but reciting the words he'd already said more times than he could count. He was surprised to hear the knight begin to chuckle, and turned his attention back to him. He hadn't moved from the spot he'd stopped at to shake Matner's hand.

"A bit scrawny-looking, but your handshake suggests you've got a little muscle in those arms. Top of your class or not, I could still take you though."

His comment startled Matner, as it seemed to startle most of the people around them.

"Sir," he said, lowering his voice a notch, "I hardly think this is the place..."

"Yes, I suppose you're right." Pallen looked around the reception room with a shrug and a sigh. "Perhaps another time. Come, Mina, let's see what they've got to drink at this party."

To Matner's surprise, Mina had a mischeivous smile on her face as she led Pallen away. He all but shook his head as he watched them walk away, and thought he overheard one of the servants passing a message along to keep an eye on the man.

Father won't like that one. Matner grinned at the thought as he turned to greet the next guest in line.

He was starting to think the stranger was going to be the only person there truly interesting. There were a number of girls his age in attendance, and his father was at the same time skeptical of them and yet more welcoming to them at the same time. He suspected none of them knew they were being favored more than anyone elsem, but he got to see how his father greeted everyone.

Some of the girls his father treated better than others in subtle ways, no doubt intended to point out to him which girls he was supposed to be interested in. He wondered what they were really like, knowing that they were all wearing their best behaviors, and not their real selves. Just like me, he mused to himself.

Eventually, just as the sky was starting to get dark, the people started coming in more slowly, until they had to wait some between arrivals.

"We're done here," Father said eventually.

"Most of the prospective employers who are here tonight will probably already suspect your eligibility for the Royal Guard. Some might have offers they'll present to you. Tell each that you'll have to think it over, and let me know what kind of offers they have. Who knows, one of them might have something good."

"As for the girls," Father continued, "their parents will have brought them here hoping to get them married off. There are a number of parties going on tonight, but these girls have all been brought here because their parents agree that you are the best candidate for them. There may be some...competition for your attention. Whatever to you, be sure you show no favorites tonight. Try to let them see enough to understand what you like, but we want them competing for you after the party in the coming weeks, not during the party. Be friendly but reserved."

"I thought you wanted to announce the position with the Royal Guard tonight?" he asked, momentarily trying to not think about what father meant by the coming weeks. He certainly didn't feel ready to get married yet.

"I do," he said, "But not until near the end of the night. I want to see what other offers come in. There may be ways to build relationships through some offers."

"I see," Matner said, although he really didn't.

"I've worked very hard to make sure you don't start off your military life as some common soldier, Matner. Tonight is the culmination of all those efforts."

"Yes, Father," he nodded, dutifully.

"Don't forget, you are expected to make a speech once everyone has been seated, as the salad is being brought to the table. While I am not going to tell you what to say, I would suggest you express your gratitude to those who have helped you achieve your current standing. You should also remember to thank your guests for coming, and don't forget to pay homage to the Gods."

His father turned and headed off to the next room without waiting for any response from Matner. His thoughts ran amuck as he watched his father's back.

Didn't I work hard to graduate first in my class? was the first question his mind asked unhappily. You said you weren't going to tell me what to say, but then you just did! He thought next, in frustration. Of course I'm not going to forget to pay homage to the Gods... by those who've helped me, you mean yourself, I assume. What about my teachers? Slowly, the first plan began to form in his mind. He slipped away briefly and scrawled out his speech on some paper, stuffing it in his pocket before returning to the party and his duties mingling with the guests while they ate the hors d'oeuvres.

No matter how many guests he tried to mingle with, no matter how many conversations he tried to participate in, he felt like an outsider at his own party. These are all Father people, he thought to himself. These aren't my kind of people.

Where there was music there were people dancing the slow, graceful, practiced ballroom dances. The music was soft and tasteful. The food so far would be tasty and light, not that he had eaten any yet. He had had the opportunity, he just lacked the appetite. The heat was not helping.

He did see one lady collapse. Some of the hired help gently carried her away to re-compose herself in private. At least that would be more dignified than coming to only to find a party full of people looking down on you, he decided.

He did find himself appreciating some of the young ladies, even some of the ones Father wanted him to notice. They were, to the eyes at least, everything a young man could want. They were graceful and elegant, with soft skin and refined tastes. They were dressed in patterned and textured silks and lace, mostly. There were a variety of styles. Some dresses had lower backlines, some had lower necklines. Few dresses were at all more than just a tiny bit daring. He wondered if any of them could learn to appreciate a life of adventure and travel. He suspected not.

Sir Pallen seemed to be enjoying his fill of the wine, although Matner was surprised to see him dance quite adeptly with Lady Serentine. Then the bells chimed in the background, calling everyone to take their assigned seats at the dinner tables. All of the dining tables had been used in the great hall this evening, stretching out in three long rows. At one end of the centermost table was where his family was to eat, although they waited until all the guests had taken their seats before they sat themselves. His father remained standing, and tapped at the side of his wine glass to get everyone's attention. Matner found himself staring at the crisp blue writing that had been meticulously scribed onto the folded parchment that sat just behind his plate, with his name to mark his place at the table. He looked at it, as his father spoke, letting the words bleed into his mind as the ink had into the paper.

"Ladies and gentlemen, friends and colleagues, welcome to my humble estate on this night. I am so pleased and honored that you all could join us in this proud moment, as we celebrate my son's accomplishments. Not only has he reached his majority this month, but he has also graduated, with honors, from Master Pru's illustrious academy. The same academy that has taught so many prestigious members of the Royal Military, Navy and Guard. We are so fortunate to have been able to give such an opportunity to our beloved son. Now it will be his turn to give back to the nation of New Callest. Please join me in welcoming to manhood, and congratulating him on his graduation this day."

Father had set his glass down as he spoke, and now led the applause that followed. Matner couldn't help but think that it was the most praise he'd ever received from his father, more than all praise he'd ever gotten if added together. He realized that it was also the most he'd ever get again. If he was lucky, he might get as many kind words at his wedding. He stood up on cue, and dutifully smiled at the applauding guests as he pulled out the piece of paper he'd stuffed in his pocket.

The applause ended and servers came out delivering the salads. He looked at the veritable sea of faces looking up at him. It was the first time he had really given a speech in front of a crowd. They're all judging me by this, he worried. He gulped and started.

"First I'd like to thank my Father," he began, "for tonight. I think you'll find he went out of his way to secure the best in foods and drinks and entertainments for tonight."

"I'd also like to thank each and every one of you for being here. I know there are nineteen other such parties going on tonight, and I'm sure most of you received many invitations. I can't tell you how flattering it is that you chose mine to attend. It's humbling to see so many people interested in my future, and it just drives me all the more to strive to be everything I can be."

"And I'd like to thank Master Pru and the other instructors at the academy for teaching me so much. They've given me the skills and vision to make the world a better place for everyone. It's something I intend to take very seriously, and I will leave the world better than I came into it."

"As the sun sets outside we pass from the time of Salith to the time of Saith. Let us honor and thank Him for the stars that look down on us. Tomorrow, when the sun rises, we can thank Salith for the warmth life she brings. Tomorrow can be the start of a new day and a new life, but for tonight let us revel in celebration. Thank you again, and please enjoy yourselves."

He lifted his glass in toast, and the rest followed suit. He drank a large, welcome sip and sat down to applause.

A lull rose around him, and silverware began to clatter against dishes as everyone began to eat or start conversations with their neighbors. His father was immediately engrossed in conversation with one of the gentlemen sitting nearby, while his mother was keeping track of his sister's table manners. Endrew was diving into the salad in front of him, while Velander was listening in on father's conversation. Matner found himself looking around the room, trying to tell who was actually enjoying themselves, and who was there to make associations both business and social. His friends Leyeb and Rafer were there, with their families, but sitting too far away for him to make conversation with. They saw him looking, however, and both gave him a thumbs-up sign and smiled. He made the gesture back at them, despite the small glare he saw his father give him when he did.

He only ate a small portion of his salad, somewhat absentmindedly. The dressing was light, and non-offensive, with a hint of flavor from some fruit or other in it. Once the salad plates had been removed, large steaming platters were brought in and carried around, with a variety of meats and vegetables being served from them. There was both roasted pig and venison in large, thick slices, that had been lightly spiced. The meat smelled wonderful, and tasted even better. He ended up having a second serving of the venison in lieu of eating any of the vegetables that were offered. He also drank quite a few glasses of wine, since the restrictions of how much he could drink were over tonight. He was careful to not drink too much, but still, he was feeling a little lightheaded by the time dessert was brought in.

Dessert was an assortment of filled pastries, cakes, and fruits. He ate some of it, as much to avoid the developing conversation as anything.

"He will have three days before he needs to report to the Guard," Father was explaining. He went on to explain that most of that time would be needed to write the assorted thank you letters that would need to be sent after the party.

Prominent guests would be thanked for coming. Anyone that brought a gift, which a dozen or so had, would get a letter. And, of course, everyone that offered a job would have to get a letter back thanking them for their offers, but politely explaining that he had accepted another position.

"But if I'm going to announce it later anyway," Matner asked, "they already know, right?"

"It's a social formality," Father answered. "It is the proper thing to do, and as such you will do it. I'll not have you make this family look bad."

One of the servants came in just then and whispered something in Father's ear. Matner was grateful for the interruption, and hoped it was something important enough that Father would forget what they were talking about.

"Ah, the entertainment's ready," Father said quietly. He stood up and once again tapped on his glass to get everyone's attention.

"Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention please?" he called out loudly to the crowd. It took only a moment before he had the attention of everyone in the room.

"We are fortunate enough, as it is, to find ourselves in the fine city of Calster, capitol of our great nation, renowned for it's talented artists and gifted musicians. One such musician is composer Renaldo Arnest, creater of the recent opera Salith's Serenade. If you have not had the rare pleasure of seeing this opera, it is a musical rendering of the courtship of Salith, by Saith, before the Time of Night and Day began. Master Arnest has graced us with his presence here tonight, and with him the talented Addrew Landers as Saith, and lovely Marcetta Novad as Salith, to perform some of the key scenes of the opera for you tonight. Please, join me in welcoming them."

Father gestured toward the side of the dining hall with one hand before leading the applause as servants simultaneously pulled open the several large curtained doors leading out to the courtyard along the wall. On cue, music from the orchestra in the courtyard began, carried in on the breeze that was finally allowed to flow into the room. A woman and man stepped into the room, taking positions. Another man rose from a seat at one of the tables and moved to stand before the orchestra, raising his arms, and waiting to give the orchestra the cue. When the applause died down, he gestured and the orchestra smoothly shifted the music they played to match his cue. The music rose in intensity, and the woman began to sing.

There was singing and dancing and music. He supposed technically it was good, but he had little opera experience to compare it to. There had been plenty of plays and concerts, but little opera, per se. The partiers in general applauded well when it was done, but he found it boring. He had heard and read the story in several different forms, and other than how it was presented this one seemed to be nothing new.

It did allow him the time to look around at the partiers. He saw natural groupings of two to four, as trying to get more than that involved in a conversation during dinner had obviously been difficult. People had shifted their chairs during dinner to be a little closer to the others they were talking to, and few thought now to shift themselves back.

There was only a little quiet whispering during the opera. Most of that appeared to be short commentary, particularly amoung actual couples. He searched out most of the girls his age, and found them mostly entranced by the performance. Great, he thought, now I know what they'll expect of me. He sighed, and Endrew gave him an understanding look but said nothing. His friends looked bored, too.

After the singers finished the orchestra tapered off to silence. Servants closed off the doors before them to applause that was more than just polite applause but struck Matner as less than enthusiastic. This kind of entertainment was expected, he realized. These people were used to shows like this.

There was a lull for a while, where conversation rose up in the room around him, and servants ran to and fro, refilling coffee cups. Most of the dessert plates had been discreetly removed during the singing, he realized and he had nothing left but to sip at his coffee to help him avoid conversation. He listened quietly to the talking around him, realizing that he wasn't particularly interested in most of it. A lot of it was business, or talk of social events upcoming. Some brief references to the western lands peaked his interest, but nothing was really discussed long enough to be interesting.

Overall, he was relieved when the music started up again, this time a gay tune to encourage the patrons to dance. The servants opened the doors to the courtyard again, and the orchestra was now gone, replaced by a smaller group of musicians off to one side and a candlelit clearing for dancing. The path to the yard was now clear and lit too, and Matner knew it led to tables of more food and drink. Servants would also be making their way around the house and yard with more drinks throughout the rest of the night, and no one would have to worry if they left their wine glass behind to go dance, as another would be waiting for them when they finished.

About half the people in the room stood to move to the dance area outside, the other half remaining to keep talking. Matner quickly joined the crowd heading to the dance floor, not wanting to sit and listen to any more of his father's plans for him. He smiled, nodded, and thanked the various people who paused to give him their congratulations along the way, and then managed to slip past the dance area to get to the tables in the back. He grabbed up a glass of wine off one of the tables, and looked around for a place he could just be out of the way for a bit.

He moved to one of the many open doorways between pillars that served as a boundary between one area and the next. It was a shadowed area between hung lanterns. Stars were shining in Saith's night sky. He thought for a moment about the warrior path everyone expected him to take, praying that Saith would welcome him into His realm after dying in battle.

He looked at the figures that from where he was were just nameless, faceless forms dancing and mingling in the lamplight. He sometimes worried about ending up just another nameless, faceless form lying on a battlefield. He didn't want to die in battle just because it was supposed to be an honorable thing to do.

No, he reaffirmed, Salith was a protector, a champion of causes, fighting when it became necessary, but not just living for the next battle. Hers was the path for him.

"Personally, I always find these parties lifeless and dull," someone said next to him. He turned to find Sir Pallen standing next to him. He had taken up a lean on the pillar at the other side of the doorway. "No, it's the country folk that know how to celebrate. And why, for that fact."

"What do you mean?" Matner asked.

"Take this," Pallen said. "It's honoring something, not really celebrating it. You graduated. You did well--rather well, in fact. But we're not here joyfully celebrating. We're here to honor the occasion." Pallen took a sip of his wine before holding it up and examining it in the gentle light.

"So we stand around drinking expensive wine that nobody really appreciates and mingle with each other pretending to care about each other. Now, out in the country, they live a harsher life. They bring in a good harvest and it means they get to survive the winter. That's something you celebrate. So they have a feast. It's not one person or family showing off, it's everyone coming together for one party. People drink beer and set aside some of the rules of day-to-day life, rather than dressing up fancy and adopting even more rules than normal. No, give me a good tavern celebration over something like this any day."

Just the description made him want to sneak out and go somewhere else to try and find something more fun to do. It also made him wonder.

"So what are you doing here then?" he asked, a little more pointedly than he intended.

Pallen chuckled a bit and took a sip of his wine, as if deliberating what to say.

"Sometimes, Matner, a man will do anything to spend a few hours in the company of a lovely woman." He gestured to the dance floor, where Lady Serentine was gracefully spinning in one of the more lively dances. "The grace and gentleness of a woman can soothe the wildest of hearts or stoke the most placid of tempers."

"Lady Serentine is indeed lovely," Matner said, unsure of the man's intent.

"That she is," Pallen agreed. "However, she's not likely to let any man tie her down just now. She's an untamed spirit, that one. Too bad she never let's it out."

"What do you mean?" Matner asked, curiously.

"Not sure, but there's more to her than meets the eye. Especially if she's willing to be seen around with the likes of me. The girl's on the verge... of something."

"I don't understand." Matner wasn't sure what Pallen could mean. Mina looked as if she was at home amongst the other ladies, dancing and laughing, and looking bored at the men who swooped in at every chance.

"Have you ever stood at a moment in your life where you could take the road that everyone expects of you, or the road that everyone would be shocked by? Had a moment when you could choose to do whatever you really wanted, or what everyone else wants of you?"

"Yeah," Matner answered, trying to hide his sigh.

"Oh...I see."

"Everyone expects me to join the Royal Guard and live a comfortable life of parties like this...," he said, not understanding why he suddenly felt so comfortable talking to the man. "But I'd rather just strike off for distant lands and see something other than city."

"Hey," Pallen said, "the Guard's a cushy job, if a bit boring, maybe. But, then again, wanderlust I understand."

There was an awkward silence.

"Look, kid," Pallen eventually said. "Far be it for me to give you advice. But you only get one chance at life. You've got to make each action, each decision, count. If you stay, and do what's expected of you, you might spend the rest of your life regretting it. But if you just join up with some caravan and run off, there's no saying you won't end up regretting that, too."

"That's not exactly the most useful advice I've ever been offered," Matner said.

Pallen held up his glass and finished it. "Look, life is too short to pass up on opportunities to feel alive. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a lovely rich lady here, and there are some things I don't want to regret leaving behind me in the morning."

Pallen strode away to the dance floor. On the way he set his empty glass on a server's tray. The elven slave nodded and carried the tray away. Pallen seemed to not even notice, and moved straight to Lady Serentine, who was standing alone. He extended a hand and she took it for the next dance.

Matner watched them a while, his mind and heart torn as he thought about what the knight had said. He sipped heavily at his wine, and it wasn't long before he realized his head was swimming just a little from it. He was looking around for something to eat to try and offset it, when his father's voice came up behind him.

"Ahh, there he is now! Matner, my boy! Captain Mayners wishes to speak with you."

Matner turned, still holding a tiny sandwich in one hand and a glass of wine in the other, to see the Captain of the Royal Guard standing next to his father, both smiling expectantly in Matner's direction. Matner found himself repressing the urge to vomit, as his stomach churned and swayed inside him. He drank heavily from the glass to keep his dinner down, then regretted it, knowing it would only make his head swim more. Hastily, he stuffed the sandwich into his mouth and moved forward, extending his hand as he knew was expected. He gave the sandwich a couple of obligatory chews before swallowing it nearly whole as the Captain shook his hand.

"Yes, sir," he managed to choke out. "Good to finally meet you, sir."

"Your father has been singing your praises, Matner," the Captain said, nodding. "But not as much as Master Pru, I might add. Your father has told me how excited you are to begin with the guard. I expect you've had many offers this evening, but I'm sure you'll be pleased with your decision in the end."

"I...uh..." Matner realized that most the the conversations he had been in that evening were more of a hazy blur to him. He had really been avoiding conversation more than paying attention to offers. The conversation he'd just had with Pallen was clearest in his head.

"I appreciate all the opportunities, sir," he tried, bobbing his head. The bobbing made him a bit dizzy though, and he had to catch himself from leaning to one side too much.

"Well," the Captain said, "take some time to get things cleared up. No doubt you will have many thank you letters to write, things like that. Report to the barracks in one week. I should warn you, though, you aren't done with training. No, not at all. We'll talk more later. Enjoy your party, you've earned it."

The Captain led Father off, and the two of them continued talking. Matner held a pillar with one hand and his head with the other. He did not want people seeing him like this. The last thing he wanted was to embarrass himself at his own party.

He did briefly consider that if he made enough public spectacle of himself that nobody would want to hire him. He felt sure that plan would likely fail and only make things worse, so he steered himself away from the public areas. He moved through back halls until he eventually made his way back to his room.

He stripped off the jacket and some of the more restricting parts of the suit before collapsing on the bed. He felt as though he was about to vomit, but he did not. He was not aware of how long it took him to fall asleep.